Dear Jimmie: I’m filling in my Men’s NCAA Basketball Bracket for my office pool and could use your advice on how to pick the winners. Sleepless Over Seeds

Dear SOS: It’s not worth loosing sleep over a Basketball Tourney, save that for the Broncos next season. I know it’s frustrating losing the office bracket pool to the guy who is more interested in collecting Star Wars Tie-fighters than, as he calls it, “basketball matches.” Winning the NCAA Tourney Pool depends on an amalgam of factors including: statistical insight, years of basketball savvy, knowledge of team chemistry and going against conventional wisdom. Do I really believe this? No, just wanted to work the word “amalgam” into this piece. Here’s my strategies on filling in a winning bracket:

Science is Settled Approach: Set-up an Excel spreadsheet that ranks all 64 teams on RPI (Winning % and Strength of Schedule), Winning performance over last 30 days, Extended winning streaks during the season, Winning close games % and injury factors. Set up a macro to compile and compare versus teams in their regional brackets (maybe a Star Wars Tie-fighter type guy would help you). Review the results, then immediately crumple and throw in the trash. HaHaHa, if this approach worked, everyone would be a winner!

Toughest Mascot Wins: Identify each team’s mascot and judge which one wins in a head to head fight. For instance: Miami (Hurricanes) play the Michigan State (Spartans) and Iowa State (Cyclones) play the Nevada Wolfpack. Pick Miami and Iowa State to blow away their opponents.

Grade Schoolers Shout Out: Get your kids or grandkids to sit still for a while (duct tape might be useful) and create a game where you shout out “Michigan or Oklahoma State” and their majority choice wins.

Dominant Uniform Color: Solicit an opinion from your significant other on color choice, if teams have same colors then go with shades. Can’t help you with “Shades of Gray.” Charts exist online that show blue and orange dominant uniform color teams have the highest winning percentage in the tournament since going to 64 teams in the 1980’s.

Blindfolded Map Choice: Hang a US Map on the wall, have an assistant blindfold you and direct you to do a random pin stick. Team closest to the pin gets the nod. Need to know schools city locations. If you stick pin in assistant, closest team to where they were born is the pick.

Pet Pick: Get 2 cardboard squares large enough to hold a treat and team names. Place treat on each square and let pet go. First square they go to is your pick unless they relieve themselves on that square, then you would take the unsoiled square. Alternate square locations. Place pet on a diet after using this technique.

Popular Culture Reference: Pick team name that was in a song, band or movie title, line or joke, for instance: “What happens when the smog clears in Los Angeles?” “UCLA.”

Vehicle Tire Roulette: Get some chalk and mark team initials for each game at the 9:00 and 3:00 location on your tires (can do 4 games at a time) drive around neighborhood then return to driveway and park. Pick whichever team is closer to the 12:00 position on the tires. Erase then repeat for next games.

Well gotta go. Just chalked a tire on the car for my first pick and the dog “watered” off one of the teams, now I’m confused, should this be my pick or “eliminated” from consideration…….

Jimmie St. Vrain (Johnnie’s wiseguy brother) and Kris Harris moved here in 1960 and are products of Longmont public schools and the University of Northern Colorado. Both believe sarcasm deserves to be taken seriously.