“Buy the ticket, take the ride …”

– Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

I took the annual March pilgrimage to the Pac-12 Basketball Tournament in Las Vegas with “Allen and the Chip-hunks.” During downtime when not watching the tournament we considered relaxing with a book, touring the Neon Light or Apocalypse Zombie museums or maybe taking a tour of the Hoover Dam. Instead we heard Las Vegas also offers certain games of chance commonly called gambling. This activity consists of many different table, machine and sports betting games like poker, blackjack, craps, roulette and slot machines. We tried some of these games because the colorful tables and lights seem to entice you to play, like the “Sirens” in Greek mythology that lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and singing voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island. These games have a unique terminology and slang, for instance:

Ante: Usually in poker, meaning the first bet made on a hand before you receive your cards.

Blackjack: A two-card total of 21 consisting of an ace and a 10 or face card.

Come-out: The first roll of the dice in craps that establishes the point.

High Roller: A player who makes extremely large wagers.

Pigeon: A new, naive or unsophisticated gambler.

Based on careful observation, when I wasn’t feeding a slot machine like a sugar addict at a defective vending machine, I’ve come up with a few of my own gambling terms:

Ringo-ing: Beatles reference. In sports betting when 4 participants pool their money to make individual game winner picks called a 4 team parlay. 3 of the 4 pick winners, but one has a loser that blows up the parley.

Voyageritis: In the game of craps, a proper throw lands against the far wall and remains on the craps table. When an amped up thrower chucks any of the dice off the table, this shall now be called a case of “Voyageritis” in honor of the NASA Voyager 1 space probe launched in 1977 that left our solar system in 2013.

Sparrowing: Bettors assembled like baby sparrows waiting for mother to return to the nest with food, instead they are waiting for the days betting sheets at the sports book that list odds and the betting lines (point spreads, total points scored/over or under, etc.

Robo-Dealer: An emotionless blackjack dealer having no interaction with players at their table, in dire need of a charisma transplant. Makes Dr. Spock on “Star Trek” and Arnold Schwarzenegger in the “Terminator” look like “Welcome Wagon” representatives.

U.N. Droning: people standing around tables observing others gambling, but don’t jump in to play.

ATM Two Step: having lost money that was budgeted to gambling, a moral dilemma ensues, pull more out of the ATM because you figure you’re due to win or take your losses and become a U.N. Drone.

Well gotta go, I’ll leave you with this gambling joke: Mr. Guy is walking down the street and sits on a bench. He notices another person with no body perched on the end of the bench. Mr. Guy asks, “what happened to you?” Mr. No Body says, “I sold my body parts to fund my gambling addiction.” Mr. Guy says, “maybe you should quit while you’re a head.”

Kris Harris moved here in 1960 and is a product of Longmont Public Schools and the University of Northern Colorado. He believes sarcasm deserves to be taken seriously.