“If you drive a car, I’ll tax the street, If you try to sit, I’ll tax your seat, If you get too cold, I’ll tax the heat, If you take a walk, I’ll tax your feet, Taxman! Cos I’m the taxman, yeah I’m the taxman.

The Beatles – Revolver Album 1966

Dear Jimmie: I decided to track my tax burden, including: Fed/State Income, Social Security, Medicare, Property, Sales, Fed/State Gasoline and about a dozen other taxes and or fees. Was close to 40% of my gross income in taxes! And now “Blunder” County (Boulder) wants to pile on with more “trust us” tax proposals this year. My wife thinks I’m coming “unhinged,” said I could develop an ulcer or a stress induced “witch.” Think she said “twitch” but my head was submerged in the top of our Margarita machine at the time. They can’t even manage the tax money they have now, how can we stop this train? I want to get off. Loose Hinges in Old Town

Dear Hinges: Tsk…Tsk…How can you be so selfish and ungrateful for the continued care and guidance provided by our elected representatives? These public servants only have our best interests at heart and the individual is so passe, now you have to think about the collective. Contributing more of your wages in taxes relieves you of the stress of deciding where it should be spent. And..litigation isn’t cheap either what with the Rocky Mtn. Church, Unincorporated Road and Fracking suits taking up valuable time of our caretakers. I think we’ve just scratched the surface on creative ways to make sure everyone is paying their fairer share of taxes. Here are additional tax revenue streams I think should be considered.

-Longmont City Council Meeting Frequent Cryer Program Tax. Anyone attending more than 30 sessions and or stepping to the microphone to pontificate more than 15 times annually owes the City a quarter so they can call someone who cares.

-Anti-Fracking Renewable Energy Tax. Used to purchase thousands of cows and place them on our County Open Space, each with a methane gas capturing hose attached to their posteriors to corral their methane, when they, uh you know contribute it to the atmosphere.

-Virtual Mall at Village at the Peaks Tax. Jonezing for the shopping we won’t have at the new mall? This tax will pay for retailers like Macy’s, Nordstroms, Old Navy and Apple Stores to set up tents and sell at certain times during the year in the ample parking lot of the Village at the “Twin Peaks” Mall.

-Multicultural Celebration Inclusion Tax. We have St Patrick’s Day for Irish, Octoberfest for Germans, Cinco De Mayo and Day of the Dead for Mexicans. How about rotating in one new group celebration each year like the Bulgarians, Croats, Maori, Samoans, Navajo and the Canadians, who’ve been left out in the cold?

-You Can Keep Your Northwest Route Train This time, Period, Tax (RTD).

-Trip to Oz Tax. Funding for the 3 County Commissars to get “Independent” thought cerebrums.

-Open Space to “Space” Tax. Extends from just above ground level to outside the earth’s atmosphere, expect the County Commissar’s to overpay.

-Prairie Dog Overpass on the Boulder Diagonal Tax. They’ve left their cars at home, just like the cyclists.

Well gotta go, my wife just came up with her own tax idea for me, it’s called “Husband A Tax Messy Garage!

Jimmie St. Vrain claims to be Johnnie St. Vrain’s wiseguy brother.