Movies seemed easier to follow back in my youth (yes they were in color and had sound). I remember walking 3 miles uphill thru blizzards to the old “Trojan” Theatre on Main to catch the latest “flick.” Most were original works, not sequel, prequel, interquel, midquel or sidequel and very few remakes. Today, seems the “unique story” well has dried up, what with 29 Godzilla sequels, 12 Friday the 13th sequel/prequels, Star Wars and Rocky with 6 or more, just to name a few. Over the past few years, I’ve thrown out some “Predictions” for the New Year and was mistakenly using a snow globe instead of a crystal ball to look into the future….sorry for the “snow job.” This year, in honor of all the pending film awards shows like the Academy Awards, Golden Globes, Screen Actors Guild and lesser known Severance, CO Film “Cuts and Nuts Festival,” the following are my movie “Nyquels” (non-actors placed into movie sequels. Do not drive, operate machinery, or do anything else that could be dangerous immediately after you read these mind droppings) I’d like to see on the big screen in 2015.
Misery II – Writer Paul (Democratic Party), puts it in the ditch again and his biggest fan Annie (Hillary Clinton) takes him to her cabin to have him all to herself. Instead of “hobbling” him this time, she makes him read her already prepared 2016 Presidential Acceptance Speech. Paul thinks “Hobbling” doesn’t seem so painful now.
The Three Stooges: Lyon, Sachs & Doodee PR Firm – the boys, Moe (John Boehner), Larry (Mitch McConnell) and Curly (Jonathan Gruber) open a Public Relations Firm teaching others how to learn their “Doodee” method of interacting, including: 1. Feigned Respect for the Public 2. Feigned Outrage 3. Feigned Taking Action 4. Feigned We Tried 5. Feigned Contriteness.
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights 2 – Katey (Barack Obama) returns to a kinder gentler Cuba to find Javier (Raul Castro) so they can win another dance contest together. Naturally Javier leads.
You’ve got Mail: Ballot Bother– Kathleen (Boulder County Clerk Hillary Hall) corresponds with a mystery man via the internet Joe (CO State Treasurer Scott Gessler) whom she adores online, but despises in person, because his office always makes a big deal about the uncertified Boulder County election results. Kathleen decides Joe will take her to dinner at the Flagstaff House, even if the Canvass Board votes against certifying this action.
The Sting: Road Con – Henry, Johnny and JJ (Boulder County Commissars) divert millions from road repair and maintenance over to new County Building construction and Open Space purchases. When confronted with this travesty they employee the “Doodee” method.
Gone With the Wind: Carpetbaggers – Scarlett (Longmont citizens) find themselves at the mercy of the Denver Carpetbaggers (RTD) who continue to suck up local taxes to benefit Denver RTD Projects including “Light Rail.” Rail has been “sidetracked” here. The movie ends with Scarlett looking West down 1st and Main where a train station was planned. As the sun sets she utters these famous words again, “After all, tomorrow is another day!”
Well gotta go. These Nyquels might never get made unless North Korea takes an interest, so enjoy the next sequel of “Rambo vs the Syrian Regular Army,” sponsored by “Metamucil.”
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