Everywhere you turn this time of year is a 2011 Year in Review. This rehashing of the top stories while interesting, poses no risk for the word jockey. The trapeze without the net act involves making predictions for 2012. Niels Bohr – Danish Atomic Physicist and or Yogi Berra – American Baseball Player/Philosopher stated; “Prediction is very hard, especially about the Future.” Here’s my local prognostications: (Disclaimer: These predictions have a margin of error of +/- 0 to100%)
Vance Brand Airport Noise
The constant annoying droning of the CQS (Citizens for Quiet Skies) crowd finally pays off and Airport officials ban the use of the Mile High Skydiving aircraft. Instead a 2,000 ft tower with jumping platform is constructed with an elevator, relegating the skydivers to basically BASE jumpers. So the noise nanny’s get their way while the skydivers get the “shaft.” A few months after the ban the CQS folks start complaining about the eery silence, the quiet gives them too much time to hear themselves think.
RTD “Take a Hike”
Longmonters opt out of the RTD (Really Terrible Decisions) program, determined to work with a private company to get a real mass transit system. The final “back of the bus” moment happened when RTD decided to implement “rickshaw” service in lieu local buses and one Regional route to Denver per day starting at 6am arriving at 10am after 30 stops. RTD spokesman, Nowe Cant cheerily opined, “the 4 hour trek would allow riders to read papers, relax prior to work or write their thesis.” The “Slow-Tracks” light rail service would be extended to Longmont in 2040 and cost an additional $50 billion dollars…$60 billion if permanent seating was chosen over folding metal chairs in the light rail cars.
Butterball Plant
Monsanto Corporation decides to buy the Butterball plant complex as part of their GMO (Genetically Modified Organism) seed research and production division. During the ribbon cutting ceremony, 100 anti-GMO protesters armed with only 5 rotten “organic” tomatoes (due to cost) hurl them at the Monsanto entourage.
St Vrain County
“When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands that have connected them with another……” A groundswell of support bubbles up for Longmont and surrounding areas to secede from Boulder County and form a new “St Vrain County” after it’s discovered that the Boulder County Commissioners have purchased a parcel of land for $2 million dollars designated as “Open Space” but formerly designated as Commissioner Ben Pearlman’s house. Commissioner Pearlman became Country Attorney Pearlman after performing the “secret” handshake in front of the other 2 Commissioners and voting for a 3rd Boulder County 150th Anniversary sculpture to join the Hawk and Butterfly sculptures displayed in the Boulder County Courthouse Plaza. This sculpture is titled, “Flipping Bird to Longmont.”
World Ending 12/21/2012
Unless you’ve been living in a cave (could be a good thing if the next prediction happens), you’ve probably heard that according the the ancient Mayan Calendar the “End of Days” is supposed to happen on December 21, 2012. Recent research has indicated the date may be off by 50 to 100 years. “Whew….that’s a load lifted, guess I can go ahead and prepay my Times-Call subscription into 2013!” I predict the true date for the world ending will be the date the show, “Jersey Shore” wins an Emmy.

Well gotta go, my wife just made a 100% accurate prediction related to a snow shovel, a driveway and a husband! Happy New Year!!