(Cue “Dragnet” Theme)
This is the city, Longmont Colorado. On it’s way to 100,000 inhabitants and 500,000 cars. Newcomers arrive for the jobs, mountains, climate, buds and suds. Most Longmonters follow rules and keep their promises. They also expect that from their government officials. When rules and promises are broken, I go to work, I wear a badge. It was Friday, July 20th. The weather was hot. We were working the day watch out of Robbery Division on Fox Hill. My partner is Officer Dom DeBoston, I’m Fryday, Joe Fryday. Angry citizens called me, upset again with RTD. My partner and I met RTD last year to investigate the delay of the NW Fastracks Rail until after 2040, while the tax is collected and projects in Denver are a priority. The story you are about to hear is mostly true. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. We arranged a meeting at RTD Headquarters in Denver with spokesperson Yul Haightme. Our contact last year, Ima Fibber, left RTD to join the FBI as a Public Relations Manager. We arrived at the RTD office. Mr. Haightme met us at the door and led us to a conference room.

Mr. Haightme: “Is this you’re service dog Mr. Fryday? We don’t allow dogs into the building unless they are wearing a blue service dog vest”

Fryday: “Actually you’ve got it backwards. I’m his service human. See the blue vest I’m wearing? Officer DeBoston gets stressed and starts self-licking any reachable spot when he senses someone has misspoken, commonly called lying years ago.

Mr. Haightme: “That sounds yucky. You said on our call that angry citizens in Longmont enlisted your help to investigate the NW Fastracks Rail project last year. Now you’re investigating our canceling the “RockiesRide” service in Longmont and the NW Fastracks Rail project not making a CDOT priority list. RTD treats all Districts equally and makes fair business decisions. Uww.. Why is he licking there? Make him stop!”

Fryday: “Dom! Resist!” He’s heard that word on TV so much it breaks his licking concentration. Officer DeBoston’s licking compulsion has a lot of similarities to RTD’s relationship with the citizens of Longmont. His licking is a habit that satisfies him, even though others around him are appalled. Similarly, RTD’s use of our NW Fastracks Rail tax money has become a habit that satisfies them, but appalls most Longmont citizens. The RockiesRide cancelation and NW Fastracks Rail not making the CDOT priority list are just more disses of Longmont citizens. Talk about “Toxic Charity,” Longmonters get fleeced by RTD without a reasonable return on our investment. Seems past time for Longmont’s State and Local representatives to play hardball. Demand a performance and financial audit for the Longmont District as part of the next scheduled State Audit for RTD in 2020? Explore privatizing?

Mr. Haightme: “I don’t appreciate RTD being compared to your dog’s icky habit. Our organization has been very transparent. We even post the transcripts and sometimes video from our Board of Directors meetings.”

Fryday: “So you’d be open to an audit that includes Longmont’s 2004 Fastracks Tax receipts and expenditures?”

Mr. Haightme: “We can’t request a special audit.”

Fryday: “Dom! Resist!”

Kris Harris moved here in 1960 and is a product of Longmont
public schools and the University of Northern Colorado.
He believes sarcasm deserves to be taken seriously.