Dear Jimmie –

I read that New York Mayor Bloomberg intends to restrict sales of sugary soft drinks to no more than 16 ounces a cup in city restaurants, movie theaters, stadiums and arenas. My wife and I enjoy plowing through the large combo soda and popcorn at the movies and are afraid these “Nanny State” bureaucrats will continue to erode our freedoms by telling us how to live. I think the Mayor and others need to limit the size of their obese egos. What’s next? A limit on the number of breaths we can take each day?

 

Popped Off in Prospect

 

Dear PO’d in Prospect –

I empathize with your anger and frustration regarding this “Nanny State” encroachment. Here’s a health tip: I suggest you leave the butter off of your large popcorn. Then you’ll have room for a box of M&Ms. One of my favorite writers, C.S. Lewis, sums up my feelings on the “Nanny State” enablers with this quote: “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” With examples like Mayor Bloomberg’s proposal, the LA ban on throwing a football or Frisbee on the beach during the summer and “dodgeball” being banned in many schools gym classes, the situation seems bleak. Unless citizens unite to repeal some of these mandates I think we will continue to see further intrusions. Here are my predictions on what the “Nastys” (Nanny State Yearners) have in mind for us in the future:

– Scores will no longer be kept at sporting events…..no winners or losers, just participants. This will keep high achievers in check and insure everyone’s self esteem isn’t damaged and egos aren’t bruised. I can imagine the Bronco game conversations on Monday mornings at the water cooler. “Did you see Peyton Manning yesterday?” Boy did he come ready to participate, he participated all game, that’s why they got him, he is one of the best participators in the league!”

– Cigarettes will go up to $100 a pack introducing a black market/criminal element into their sale. Smokers will be required to wear special helmets that trap their smoke or can smoke freely in newly designated smoking areas located in abandoned ICBM missile silos across the country.

– Pets will no longer be allowed to be subjugated to wearing a collar or harness while being led by their owners. Both owner and pet will be required to wear the same collar or harness and walk in tandem thus exhibiting equal status. And pets must be given human names like Stu or Mable, cutesy names like Mr. Chips or Princess She-She only cause them self esteem issues.

– Women, and men so inclined, will be forbidden from wearing makeup and getting their hair styled. This will level the playing field for those blessed with good looks and others on the wrong end of the mirror metric. Clowns, actors and aging rock stars can purchase special exemption permits to avoid this restriction. Well gotta go, the only “Nanny” that matters in my life, Ms. St.Vrain,  just asked me to give an opinion on her latest hairstyle. Whoever said, “Honesty is the best policy,” must have never experienced the pleasure of matrimonial bliss, they had to be single.