It’s August, and the Boulder County Fair has come and gone. The aromas of the fiendishly decadent deep fried fan favorites, le funnel cake, le corn dog and le twinkie that wafted over the Fair Midway have dissolved. Word has it that Mayor Bloomberg of New York City will visit the Fair next year. The Mayor loves raw oysters and has never sampled the “Rocky Mountain” variety. Aack! Hold on, I just about spit out my “Big Gulp!” Animals have been curried, trimmed, cleaned and hauled back home after putting their best foots, er hooves forward. The Fair gives many people a glimpse of our agrarian past. I’ve been on a farm before, but like other “city dwellers” am not up to snuff on many of the intricacies and practices of farm and ranch living. Apple iPhone has an existing personal assistant application named, “Siri” that responds to your questions about the weather, business locations and a number of other amazing topics. Imagine if along with “Siri”, I had a Boulder County Fair personal assistant named “Ringo,” get it…cowboy sounding and phone ring…..never mind. I sure could have used Ringo’s help with the following questions while at the Fair:
Kris – Ringo, what do you call a female and a male sheep?
Ringo – Ewe is a female and Ram is a male.
Kris – Did you just say I was a female, you is a female?
Ringo – ????? Recalibrating, Female sheep is Ewe.
Kris – Did you just say I’m a female sheep, female sheep is you.
Ringo – ????? Not programmed for sarcasm. Please rephrase.
Kris – Ringo, why are bulls turned into steers?
Ringo – To control the genetics of your herd by not allowing inferior genetics into the cowherd, as well as preventing inbreeding or linebreeding. To reduce aggressiveness; steers are easier to handle and less dangerous than bulls, and are not as rough on equipment, nor do they fight as often. You are apt to get more money when selling good steer calves than bull calves. The beef industry and consumers alike favor steer carcasses over bulls because the meat is less lean.
Kris – Do the steers have higher pitched singing voices than bulls?
Ringo – Only when they sing something by the “Cowsills!” Ha Ha Ha, I’ll be here all week.
Kris – Ringo, do rodeo clowns go to a school to learn their trade?
Ringo – A number of schools exist across the US that train rodeo “bullfighters” or clowns. Rodeo clown schools train their students on how to handle animals as well as comedy routines and face-painting skills. The most agile and comedically gifted clowns are assigned as barrel men, who divide their time between working the crowds, getting in the animals’ faces and ducking into barrels to protect themselves.
Kris – If all the students in a Rodeo Clown school are clowns, how do they determine who is the “Class Clown?”
Ringo – I think you should ask “Siri” that question.
Kris – Ringo, how do you prepare “Rocky Mountain Oysters?”
Ringo – First you need to make sure they have been removed from the bull, ha ha ha a little iPhone Assistant humor, put me in Rodeo Clown school and I’d be the class clown. When Mayor Bloomberg visits next year, tell him like sushi, these are a delicacy in Japan when eaten raw. Make sure you have a “Big Gulp” handy for him after he takes the first bite.