Unless you’ve been vacationing in the Carlsbad Caverns, you’ve probably heard news regarding fracking. Here’s my attempt to drill down into a suitable definition. Fracking – (noun) a method of mining in which cracks (fractures) are created in a type of rock called shale in order to obtain gas, oil or other substances that are inside of it. Hydraulic fracking refers to using water, sand and other chemicals to frack the shale. Zzz….zzz…sorry I dozed off just then. I also consulted with a local teenager for their definition. “Oh fracking, it’s like what happens when the oil dudes roll up with their hunkin large machines and derricks and such! I love derricks cause that’s my boyfriend’s name, Derek. After they find a spot on the ground, they start drilling until they like run out of pipe. They then start like yelling at each other, saying “why didn’t you bring more fracking pipe!” Once the anti-fracking group, “Our Health, Our Future, Our Longmont, Your Higher Utility Bills, Your Colder Home, Your Boulder East” gets fracking banned in Longmont’s city limits and next moves on to ban it everywhere (http://ourlongmont.org/), here’s the wonderful life we’ll all get to experience, say around 2016:
Transportation “Springs” Ahead
Cars were so overrated. Everyone was in a hurry. You didn’t have time to meet new people or get any exercise using one. Today’s cars were made obsolete by no more fossil fuel and electric vehicles fizzled, unless your were good at rubbing your hands together to create static electricity to recharge your vehicle (most electricity came from a coal or gas fired power plant which will no longer exists, duh). Our future vehicles will have big windup springs with most vehicles getting 1 MPWUP (mile per windup). This will help us slow down, meet new friends and get some exercise at the same time.
Thermos Homes
Our future homes will be nothing more than giant Thermos’s (try and say that fast). These marvels of modern technology will keep us warm in the winter and cool in the summer (how does it know when to keep hot hot or cool cool?) Some thought is still needed on how to avoid breaking the seal for a minor consideration like breathing.
Return to the “Cold War”
In our new life with fracking and fossil fuels banned we won’t be the selfish power hogs of old. Our once a week showers will not be the heated variety of the bourgeois, but a cold, heart stopping dousing to stir our senses. Don’t think of it as a hardship comrade. Think of it as your contribution to the collective motherland and the next generation.
Women Fully Liberated
With petroleum products gone in our new life, women won’t have the societal burden of being slaves to fashion and grooming, because the following products will not exist: clothing made from synthetic fibers such as acrylic, nylon and polyester, or coated with formaldehyde finishes (even organic cotton could fall into this category), stretchy part of your underwear, all of your bra, plastic earrings, bracelets and necklaces, body lotion, shampoo, hairbrush, soap, lipstick, mascara, eyeliner, foundation, hair gel, nail polish and perfume. Although I’ve never been a woman, but did shave my legs for a Triathlon, I feel this is a wonderful opportunity for women to go back to making their own clothes out of natural fibers like hemp or corn stalks. As far as needing hair products or makeup, women here’s your opportunity to let the world see the real you! Remember beauty is only skin deep.

Both sides of the fracking debate deserve your thoughtful consideration to discover the truth before voting for a ban: http://www.truthlandmovie.com/ and http://www.gaslandthemovie.com/ Well gotta go, in preparing for the worst, a friend and I are tinkering with a secret Boulder Country renewable power source sure to get a Federal subsidy. All I can tell you is it involves mini treadmills, prairie dogs and tiny “5-Hour Energy” drink bottles.