I’m guessing most of you are familiar with the books and movie focusing on the bucket list, which consists of memorable things you should do or see before you leave this life (kick the bucket). Some of the items on my list are: take a river cruise from Amsterdam to Budapest, visit Australia, see the WWII Memorial in Washington D.C. and locally, see the famous Soap and Deodorant Museum in Hygiene. I’ll come clean, I made that last item up. Equally important to me as my bucket list is my duck-it list. These are things I want to avoid doing or seeing before I take the eternal leave of absence. Here’s just a few from that list:

Running With the Bulls

Every July thousands of runners assemble in Pamplona, Spain ready to continue the tradition of running with the bulls from corrals outside the city to the bullring. They dress in the traditional clothing of the festival of Sanfermines, white shirt and trousers with a red waistband and neckerchief. In one hand, they hold the day’s newspaper rolled to draw the bulls’ attention from them if necessary. (hopefully the bull’s want to slow down to read the Editorial page) Two rules that caught my attention: 1. Runners who are drunk, drugged or otherwise perceived to be a danger to others, will not be allowed to run. (guess the bulls are exempt from this rule) 2. Do not distract, grab onto, harass or mistreat the animals. (doubt if many runners are going to stop and tease the bulls by saying, “Why do bulls/cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work!”) If I feel the urge to get trampled or gored, I’ll line up in the wee hours at the Walmart Superstore doors waiting for them to open on the day after Thanksgiving (Black and Blue Friday).

Chernobyl, Ukraine Tour

The Chernobyl disaster was a catastrophic nuclear accident that occurred in 1986 at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant in the Ukraine, then part of the old Soviet Union. An explosion and fire released large quantities of radioactive contamination into the atmosphere, which spread over much of Western USSR and Europe. A 19 mile largely uninhabited “zone of alienation” exists today. The good news is officials estimate it should be safe for human habitation in only 20,000 years. If you’re not in a hurry this could present an opportunity for patient property flippers. Despite local authorities “glowing” reviews on the safety of the tour, I think I’ll pass.

Bungee Jumping

Millions of people around the globe have safely done this from various heights and locations. Here’s my fear….I pull up to your run of the mill bungee jumping tower at a local carnival in the parking lot of a shopping center. The usual operator has come down with the Jack Daniel’s flu for the day and he’s pleaded with the guy that runs the Ferris wheel to substitute for him. The Ferris wheel guy reluctantly agrees to step in for the bungee guy. So besides being in a bad mood, being bad with numbers and having a bad memory, he needs to adjust the length of the bungee to the height of the tower that day. Oops! So it doesn’t take a stretch of your imagination to see where I’m going with this…

National Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker Contest

The National Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker Contest in Montpelier, VT, in its 37th year, has gained a certain “cachet” as the ultimate contest showing just how dirty and stinky sneakers can get in an active kid’s life. Sneakers are judged by a panel on the conditions of the sole, tongue, heel, toe, laces or Velcro, eyelets/grommets, overall condition and most important ODOR. The Champion confessed that his sneakers got dirty and smelly because he plays a lot of soccer, also does fishing, hiking, and dip netting…and he just has naturally stinky feet.

Well gotta go. Just got the urge to open a Soap and Deodorant Museum in Longmont.