Dear Jimmie – I love your brother Johnnie St. Vrain’s columns, but I figured he’s busy with serious questions and stuff so I thought I would ask you this question. Where in the world can a person (me) find unique gifts for family and friends? Last year I made everyone some cute lacquered Popsicle stick hot pads. When they opened them up they got this look, well the best I can describe it is the look someone gets when they just learned their car’s been towed.
Ima Little-Crafty

Dear Ima – Have you thought about making them habenero flavored Popsicle tongue depressors this year? Just a thought. Sounds like you’re gift options enthusiasm has melted (get it Popsicle…melted ….never mind) this year and you don’t want to just trade gift cards? (When You Care the Most to Send the Very Least) Well have I got some exciting news for you…I’ve searched high and low, far and wide, over hill and dale, from hither to yon….ok…ok get to the point eggnog breath! I’ve found a treasure trove of unique, recently undiscovered gifts that are sure to astound those on your Christmas list and might even give you rights to wear the “mistletoe hat” this year! These one of a kind gifts can’t be found in any store or online, I’ll give you a call, do you have any of those Popsicle stick hot pads left? Here are some of the more popular gift discoveries:
President Obama Doll – Sure to please Republican’s on your list, this lifelike doll is dressed in a copy of one of the President’s favorite suits and has a tiny US flag lapel pin that is removable. A talking pull string is built into the back of the doll and when pulled utters, “You didn’t build that….Solyndra.”
House Speaker John Boehner Tanning Lamp – Can’t exclude Democrats on your list. Want that just back from the beach or golf course “too tan to trust” look just like the Speaker? This lamp is just the ticket, it has the Democrat donkey emblem and “trickle down” sand timer on it’s base. Priced without tax.
Fiscal Cliff Bar – This tasty adult “De-Energy” bar contains dark chocolate, vitamins, minerals and a new organic, locally grown product known for it’s “ahem” medicinal properties. Once you finish one, the last thing on your mind is the increased taxes and economic slowdown looming in 2013….you’ll be laser focused on a Twinkie stuffed with Cheetos and if that’s not available you’ll gladly snarf the stringed popcorn wrapped around the Christmas tree while Rover blocks the door to his Eukanuba.
RTD FasTracks Model Train Set – Itching to take that ride on RTD’s FasTracks Limited? Emphasis on the Limited, this model train set comes with the track but doesn’t include the actual train. Think how this will expand your kids imagination, they can construct their own unique trains to ride the rails….wouldn’t a prairie dog shaped engine car look cute? Even though the box promised a complete set, you can pay a surcharge to get the actual cars that are on back-order until 2040. WhooWhoo!
Boulder County Open Space Ouija Board – Looking for a reliable decision making tool that is fun to operate and doesn’t take batteries? This board is modeled after the garnet and ruby embossed County Commissioners model….ours has simulated garnet and rubies. Easy to operate….just tap into that spiritual entity known as “SWAG” and land on that Open Space bargain. You get a mulligan-do over if you land on the Boulder County Courthouse….we’re already paying for that!

Well gotta go! Ms. St. Vrain just came down wearing the “mistletoe hat” wanting to know what happened to all of Rover’s Eukanuba! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!