As many of you might realize, the world is a very dangerous place. And since we live in Boulder County, many might say we live in the world. Although at times it feels like we live on planet “Bassackwardsagonia.” Being that the world is very dangerous, I was so relieved to read that on January 23, 2013 our DHS (Department of Homeland Security) used its Twitter account to offer “tips” on how to deal with the winter weather. A portion of the tip sheet reads: During Winter Storms and Extreme Cold * Stay indoors during the storm. * Walk carefully on snow and icy walkways. * Avoid overexertion when shoveling snow. Overexertion can bring on a heart attack—a major cause of death in the winter. If you must shovel snow, stretch before going outside. * Keep dry. Change wet clothing frequently to prevent a loss of body heat. Wet clothing loses all of its insulating value and transmits heat rapidly. * If you are shoveling your walk and notice a Predator Drone hovering above you, do not point your finger in a gun-like manner or throw an imaginary grenade at the Drone, unless you want your walk cleared real fast. OK, I made that last helpful suggestion up. Since we need constant supervision on living in this very dangerous world, I thought I would assist Janet Napolitano, Mayor Bloomberg and Glorious Leader by offering these survival tips for Boulder County: During Anytime of the Year * Every few months, due to things called seasons, our weather becomes warmer or colder, rainy or snowy (talk about climate change). Wearing more or fewer clothes depending on this change is warranted, unless you’re a teenager, then you’re aversion to coats exceeds Governor Chris Christie’s to a treadmill. Keep informed on season change by watching or listening to your local news, making this judgement yourself can be very dangerous. * There are big rock formations west of Longmont called mountains. If you need to drive in them, be careful, this can be very dangerous. Watch the road because it can be very serpentine (un-straight) and steep, so keep both hands on the wheel and use your brakes to slow down. If you have to pull off the road at a “Scenic Overlook” to take pictures, this can be very very dangerous. Say you get out of your vehicle, point your camera to get a picture of some of the “Scenic” and a chipmunk mistakes your hair for a twig nest, startling you and causing you to fall over the “Overlook.” This could cause you to lose your life and possibly a very nice photo. * Hunting animals is very dangerous. Consider using your gun, but leave the shells or bullets at home. If you get close enough, most animals will give up. A shot with a loaded weapon could ricochet of a rock and hit a Boulder Police Officer looking for a wounded elk. * If you must go to Boulder, also very dangerous, do not wear your antler hat or make elk rutting noises. * Erie is a very dangerous place because of fracking. The air quality has been reported to be similar to Mars and I think I’ve seen video of the Mars Curiosity Rover coughing up phlegm. If you must drive past Erie, I suggest you hold your breath, but don’t hold it too long, you might pass out and have an accident. Wearing a full face respirator might help, but the police might think you’re a terrorist. Maybe it’s best if you avoid driving past Erie. Thomas Jefferson wrote: “Whenever people are well informed, they can be trusted with their own government.” Paint me distrustful of government micromanaging my life. Well, gotta go. I’ve got to drive to Boulder. Think I’ll drive past Erie with the windows down, take a deep breath, stop for a greasy hamburger, salty fries and a 48 ounce soft drink. Next snowstorm I’ll stretch for an hour prior to shoveling.