“Prophecy, n. The Art and Practice of selling one’s credibility for future delivery.”
I’m usually not happy that another year is appearing in the rear-view mirror of life, but I say good riddance to 2013. Here are my predictions for 2014:
* Polly Want a Crumpet? I predict the new councilperson parroting a certain political position will visit a local Bed and Breakfast know for providing a classy, comforting setting for get togethers fortified with Earl Grey, Oolong, Darjeeling teas and finger sandwiches. (Is it rude to point with a finger sandwich?) This councilperson will write a scolding note to the owner (asking them not to share with anyone) saying she and her friends will boycott this establishment because she learned and was appalled that they hold “Tea Parties.”
* Abominable Care Act I predict the ambulance wreck that is the ACA gets worse next year when it’s discovered the back-end systems used for customer sign ups were being run on 1960s era punch card computers with “hanging chads” causing the majority of the system crashes. Due to millions losing their existing health coverage, doctors, prescriptions, hearing aids, liniments and poultices, many are forced to visit revived medieval bloodletting, leech therapy, humours and potions establishments. Look on the bright side, the legalization of marijuana couldn’t have come at a better time to help soothe our sure to increase pain and nausea. If you like your Shaman, you’ll get to keep your Shaman, period!
* Boulder County Commissars I predict the Boulder County Gulag will become even more oppressive with the continued central planning erosion of individual liberties unless some ideological balance is applied to the current leftist cookie cutter clone apparatchiks. Unincorporated Boulder County home-owners livid with the overreach of the Commissars in assessing a fee for the road Subdivision Paving LID (Local Improvement District), decide since they are on the hook for the majority of the road costs, will set up toll booths or automated readers to charge non-residents for using “their roads.” Boulder County officials will be charged double.
* RTD “The Gift that Keeps on Taking” I predict RTD (Reason to Drive) will present their taxpayer funded (what’s another million or two) NAMS (Northwest Mobility Study) in January with the following conclusions:
1.Our budgeting models that showed a major shortfall of revenue to fund the NW Rail Corridor would have been more accurate if we hadn’t had to use the 1960’s era punch card computers we purchased through the federal government a few years ago.
2.We don’t want to rush into making any rash decisions on this project just because we are facing a short window to complete the project by 2042.
3.Longmonters, being less urbane than Boulderites, might entertain mass transit options besides train, like oxcarts, wagon train or camel caravans.
4.We might need to conduct another study to determine what marketing propaganda will continue to prevent the people from revolting and demanding a refund of their RTD taxes being directed for other projects not benefiting Longmont.
* Longmont Police: “Topless” Barber Arrested for Operating without a Cosmetology License
I predict the female tress tamer and her lawyer will offer the excuse that she was only honoring her customers requests to, “take a little off the top.”
Well gotta go. Good luck with your resolutions for the New Year. One of mine is to reduce the use of sarcasm in my writing by 50%……would that qualify me as a “half-wit?” Happy New Year!
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